Confession:  I am a bit of a John Mayer fan.  Talented and musing and brooding, in all the ways that make you feel like he’s read your diary, I can’t help but be drawn into his lyrics and melodies.  Yes, I know not all the themes – or the words – are righteous.  I definitely would not be so gracious if I were to learn that he is dating one of my daughters.  But hey, I’m just keeping it real here. 

On his new album, there’s a song called “It Shouldn’t Matter but it Does…” and this really got me thinking about how much we yearn for things we can’t control.  Maybe it’s closure of an old wound, an affirmation, a forgiveness from someone we know we’ve wronged.  There are many things we carry with us, putting them into our gunnysacks and trapsing through life, not realizing how heavy these things become over time.   They are the list we ruminate on inside our heads that begin with “If Only…” and end with “…then I would be happy.”

I don’t know what it is for you, but I have a few that I tote wherever I go.  Every so often I have to open up my sack and clean it out.  Maybe it’s a version of a story that I hold onto that I believe is true.  Maybe it’s a tendency of someone to discount me, or an unforgiveness that keeps me tethered to an old hurt.  Or my particular favorite, looking for the way things should be and not fully accepting what is.   All of these things zap us of so much strength and power. 

 They shouldn’t matter, but they do.  

What I’ve come to understand, is that we’re really not meant to just “arrive” at some state of nirvana where everything is perfect and lovely and without conflict.  We’re always going to be in a tug of war between good and evil, right and wrong, love and hate… We’re going to make mistakes, choose bad options, hurt people we love, and still manage to carry on when we have no idea how to do so. 

Maybe the point is, sometimes we put too much emphasis on things that shouldn’t matter, and not enough on things that should.  Like a good friend with a warm hug, the silent assurance that the ones who know you best see the good in you, and knowing that if you wait on God to move, He’s going to work it all out.

I’ve gone through seasons when putting one foot after the other meant telling myself over and over “I know you’ve got me, God…”  And I’ve been through many when I’ve felt unstoppable, blessed, and fully loved.  In all the time in between these two ends, is where most of life is lived. 

What matters to you?  

I ask myself this same question so many times in a day, a week, a year – What do I want my kids, my grandbaby, my friends, and my loves past and present to believe about my character, my heart, my intentions?   What do I want God to say of me someday when I meet Him face to face?   Do I want what is important to matter more than what is not? 

Of all the times I’ve failed, neglected something I should have paid more attention to, chose not to apologize for a wrong, mismanaged my provision, spoke harshly when a kind word would have been better… I pray God knows I need His Grace.

I imagine Him saying “It should matter but it doesn’t because I have forgiven you.”

Get out your gunnysack.  Open it up wide and dump it out.  Let the Son shine into it and clean up all those things that weigh you down that have long been forgotten and no longer need to burden you.  Put back only those things that are important, and leave out the frivolous, unnecessary things that do not add to what matters most.

Remember – as long as there is breath, there is hope.  We are all a work in progress.  It all matters, even when it shouldn’t.  

But through it all, God’s got you.  You matter.  And you are loved.