I Thought You Knew...

Have you ever been surprised to learn something that everyone else considered common knowledge but you?  It’s an odd “just fell off the turnip truck” kind of feeling that makes you wonder what else you are in the dark about.  It feels lousy.  

Another similar experience is when you think you know how you stand with someone, but they just can’t seem to meet you in the middle and tell you how they feel.  They dance around issues and subjects to the point of frustration.  Things never feel resolved, and some really important statements never get said.

My dad was a classic example of a man who could say a lot of words, speak to the most obscure subjects, and yet never express what he felt, what he needed, who he loved.  This left those of us who knew him well, feel as though we knew him not at all.  And more than this, we felt as though he didn’t care enough to know us either.  Bless him… He’s in heaven now. And though he was troubled for many reasons not his own, he was still a good man. 

Perhaps it’s because of my dad, of growing up with a version of someone who lacked the ability to express himself, that I have taken the opposite route.  In fact, the reason I am even writing this should be illustration enough that I have a hard time not expressing what goes on inside my heart and head.  

I’m not a blabber mouth. I don’t necessarily share my personal story with just anyone.  Yes, I write and make connections with many whom I likely will never have the privilege to meet.  But what I am speaking of here, are of those whom God has blessed me with in life and deserve to know my heart because it’s the substance of what keeps us tied to each other.  

I tell my kids, my family, my friends that I am close to, that I love them.  I want for them to know that I am here to listen if they need an ear, that I’m in their corner, that I believe in them.  I never want it said of me that I didn’t encourage or affirm them in every way I could.  I will always be honest. To me, it’s as imperative as breathing. 

At any moment, something could happen and all the things I wish that I could say will go with me.  I couldn’t bear it to know that I didn’t apologize when I needed to, or that I kept to myself what I needed to say out loud that could have made a difference… To not offer forgiveness and grace, when it would mean so much to someone who needs to receive it, would be for me a sin. 

Being this way does not make me better or perfect.   It simply frees me from the burden of carrying around all that bitterness that gets heavier with time and ages us in ways we can’t comprehend. 

Thankfully, we have a Father in Heaven that can do for us what our earthly fathers may not have done so well.  He listens to us, loves us unconditionally, forgives us when we lose our way.  He doesn’t care how many times we make the same mistake.  I know that I mean something to Him because He doesn’t withhold His compassion and mercy from me even when the night is long, and the journey is difficult.  

There are things that I wish my dad had found the courage to say in this life.  And someday, when I see him again, it would be just like him to tell me what too many others do when we question if they care about us – “I thought you knew that I did.” 

We don’t need a greeting card, a holiday, a special occasion to say the words that are burning in our hearts to say.   We are not weak, or emotional, or flighty just because we say we’re sorry for something that we might not even bear any responsibility for doing but may have hurt or harmed another in some way.  The opposite is true – we are so much stronger, wiser, and authentic when we do.  The impact can be life changing. 

God commands for us to love each other deeply.   By word or deed, express yourself today.  Share the love He has given to us.  Don’t be stingy with your thoughts or affirmations with others who need desperately to receive it.  It’s simple, really.

What goes around, comes around.  Always. 

May your heart spill over in joy, and peace, and glad tidings in abundance.  Say it.  Do it.  Embrace it.

And, in case you didn’t already know, I love you.