Redeemed

New beginnings come in all sorts of shapes and sizes.  New jobs, second chances, a move. We blow out candles on birthday cakes, the ball drops on New Year’s Eve, Spring comes… we look for opportunities to start fresh.

And then, we have Easter.

It’s too much to comprehend, really.  The thought that God would love us so much that He would send His son to take upon Himself all that we have done.  From our tiny untruths to our big and glaring sins, He took our guilt so that we could be wiped clean.  This is the ultimate new beginning.

And yet, how easy it is to think that Easter is about baskets and bunnies and spiral cut hams.

We take so much in life for granted.  There is an excess of wants and desires that have nothing to do with our purpose here on earth.  We strive to be entertained, bejeweled in fancy things that clutter our minds and hamper our ability to feel deeply.  We operate on autopilot, and rarely dig down far enough to take an inventory of what is really important.

If we could put down our gadgets for just a little while today, and fast for just a bit from WiFi… If we could just sit still and contemplate what God has given us, how awesome that would be.

It’s hard to accept a gift of such magnitude, isn’t it?  One so freely given, so profoundly life changing, that we simply do not know how to act.  It’s overwhelming.  It’s mind boggling.  So instead, we keep carrying our issues, our hurts, our shame, our weaknesses, our problems, our sins… Dragging them with us wherever we go, year after year, our backs bent from the weight of it all.

God longs to give us a true new beginning. 

Miracles happen when we let Him in.  He comes to wash our feet from all the dirty places we have been, and shows us a better way to walk.

Our purpose is simply to love one another.  When we place our lives, our trust, our hope in His hands, He teaches us how.  It’s not complicated.  It’s pure and honest and real.

The world will always do its best to tell us that we need it and all its ways to be happy and satisfied. But this is a tomb, a void that can never be filled. We will always be left empty and broken.

God tells us that peace was already won on the Cross. We don’t need to strive to be redeemed.  We don’t need to decide if we are worthy.  We don’t have to take a test or clean ourselves up.  We simply need to come to Him as we are, and say “yes.” 

Life is hard, and wonderful, and challenging, and sometimes we lose people and things and jobs and relationships… But He walks beside us.  He holds us when we feel alone.  He causes the sun to rise and set.  He helps us stand and start again.

And over and over, He says “I love you.  Give it to me.”

Think about it today…Know that God has redeemed you.  You are His. He knows your heart. He forgives you, fights for you, has plans for you, wants to fill you with His spirit.

He is Risen.

Thank Him.  Love Him. Let Him in.

Say “Yes.” 

May the peace and joy of Easter be with you today and everyday.

Blessings. 

Silver Linings

How are you holding up?  We are living in such extraordinary times.  I will admit it.  I have been perhaps a tad cavalier about this whole Covid-19 thing.  Trying hard to wrap my head around it, taking all the precautions but not wanting to give in to fear.  And then it happens… We know someone, who knows someone, and it starts hitting closer and closer to home. 

My brother, who is a Captain with the City of Los Angeles Fire Department, has one perspective.  My daughter, who’s college graduation just got canceled, has another.  And in between, the rest of us fall; grappling with work functions and going to the grocery story and praying that God will keep us all safe. 

I don’t know about you, but outside of the obvious, I have been distracted in my conversations with God.  Not that I don’t believe He has it all figured out.  He does.  There is just so much noise, so much banter, so much finger pointing… It’s been hard to settle into the quiet of prayer and to know what it is that needs to be said. More than this, it has been harder to hear what needs to be heard. 

My grandmother used to say about difficult issues, “We need to get down to brass tacks.”  In other words, what’s really important here?  

It takes time to let the dust settle and for our thoughts to orient themselves into the hierarchy of truth.  Our priorities fall into order.  We begin to think less and less about our overdue nail appointments, and more about how our loved ones are fairing.  We are all rowing in the same boat, and miraculously we learn to filter out the extraneous for the imperative. 

I don’t mean this to sound like I am saying God is in the virus.  I am simply saying God is in this place we are all in, and what He is doing is profound.  

As close as we already are, my youngest daughter and I are talking, laughing, cleaning cabinets, washing cars, making puzzles… We are taking long walks, making dinner together, listening to each other’s heart in a way we haven’t for a long time.  Our iPhones see less of our faces, an impossibility before now. 

It’s funny, isn’t it?  It’s as if God is pealing away the layers of nonsense, revealing for us what is underneath it all.  He’s slowing us down, clearing up the static, causing us to take inventory of our blessings, and helping us to see — really see — who and what is most important. 

He’s bring us down to brass tacks.  

We have been addicted to noise and distraction.  It’s taken away our focus, corrupted our desires, disabled our ability to deeply sense His presence, because we have been taught that our wants and needs can be satisfied by gadgets and whatnots and letting the good times roll.  

All lies. 

He is the most important.  He is the source of our protection. He has given to us blessings that we have sometimes failed to notice.  He wants us to know that our bonds, our families, our honesty, our love, our faithfulness, our trust… these are the roots that hold us together.  Without these, we are nothing. 

The cadence of life has slowed in so many ways.  But I am finding it more in sync with the beating of my heart.  It’s easier somehow to pray, to sense community, benevolence, grace… To notice the little things that have been so taken for granted.   

For many of us, these times are a challenge — financially, in our health or concern for those we love, for the conveniences we are used to having at our finger tips… But there are silver linings.

God is always at work.  It feels a bit like we are wandering in the desert, unsure of what comes next.  But He is guiding us, causing us to depend on Him.  

Be still. 

This will all be over very soon.  And somehow, someway… we will be better for it.  

There are always silver linings if we look for them. 

Take care of each other. Be safe.

Blessings to you and yours.

Once Upon a Time

Our stories all begin somewhere.  They are the places we go to in our minds, the once long ago’s where our lives took a turn — we met someone, we started a job, moved to a new city… A seismic shift happened and we were not the same.  Whatever it was, our worlds expanded.  We felt alive, invincible even.

There is a stake we put in the ground and from that spot, we claimed our identity.  We tied to it ribbons, roles we would assume and become — wife, mother, friend, daughter.  We wore our job titles, our accomplishments, our relationships, like medals on our chests because we were thriving.  Because we were happy.  Because tomorrow had nothing but bright sunny days and pink roses.

Here, we see God through grateful eyes, thankful for His blessings.  He is benevolent, kind, full of mercy and glad tidings. Not all things are perfect, but they are good.

Every story has a conflict.  Sometimes it’s a reoccurring theme.  Maybe we struggle inwardly with a fear, a weakness, a past.  Maybe it’s an illness. Maybe it’s someone we love who wanders so close to the precipice of fate, that we spend our days holding our breath, reciting the litany of prayers that will keep them safe, that will keep them with us.   

We try and we try to maintain that stake in the ground, not wanting to uproot it or change.  We give it our all to protect it, fighting to keep all that we think we are anchored to it.  But it splits, it frays, it dislodges.  Suddenly, life — our stories — are taking a turn and we feel exposed, vulnerable, scrambling to find our worth when all our pretty ribbons have been untied.

Our faith is challenged.  We wonder about God as we see Him, now suspect.  We resign ourselves to believing He has forsaken us.  We think our stories no longer can have a happily ever after.  We might even think we no longer know how or what to pray for.  

I wonder if you have ever wandered in the valley of broken dreams.  I know I have.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick” Proverbs 13:12

Our life stories have so many chapters.  But what I have come to know, is that God is the author and finisher of our faith.  He doesn’t want us to dwell on where we’ve been, but on Him.  He knows the plot. He’s always taking us through things because He wants to show us what’s ahead.  He is a God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  He wants us to know that our stories have a resurrection. That He is alive. That we are alive.  

Our tests become our testimonies.  

We have to turn the page. God is always transforming us, our situations, our circumstances.  There are plot twists and characters and surprises, both good and bad, that are a part of life.  He is the stake that we are to tie our identities, because He knows us, loves us, never leaves us.  

There is always more to the story.

It’s easy to feel stuck.  It’s easy to let our present day circumstances define us.  We resign ourselves to things that are not who we are, but what we must deal with.  This is not our ending.  This is just where we get our mojo back.  This is just where the music cranks up and we find a reservoir of resolve that we thought we had lost.  This is where we rise up, seize the day, remember that God is for us, and march into our tomorrows expectant that He has it all worked out for us.

Because He does.

Do you believe in the possibility of what comes next?  Do you believe in new beginnings and brand new days?

We write our stories by our faith, by our willingness to trust, by our looking forward and not behind.  We must put down the pens of fear and rejection and brokenness.

He knows the end from the beginning.  We can’t skip the scenes in-between because they make us, they fortify us, they help us see what we are made of.  

Keep reading.  Don’t give up.  Your story is beautiful.  You are beautiful. 

Believe it.  The best part is coming up.  

It’s already written.  

And it’s a masterpiece. 

That Easy to Forget

My grandmother loved music.  She could play piano and the organ beautifully, and by ear — one of those gifts that you cannot fake and one that, unfortunately, I did not inherit.  On Sundays, she would stack her LP’s on her stereo, and they serenaded as she made her supper.  I can still hear them playing — The Mills Brothers, Patsy Cline, Tony Bennett, Englebert Humperdink… Soulful, warm, endearing… These are the sounds of my childhood.

One song came back to me wistfully not long ago.  It was Englebert singing “Am I That Easy to Forget?”  Oh boy.  This was a soundtrack that, at eight, I would never have thought one day would wreck me as it did.  It’s odd how sentimental we become and how time and space collide into the perfect storm.

It’s surreal.  

It’s not news to say that we are living in a time unlike any we have ever known.  How can we set music to this feeling that the whole darn world is spinning out of control? Maybe Patsy would have a ditty or two about walking the floors or falling to pieces, and that would fit. But truly — when have we ever thought our lives would be so interrupted by something we cannot see?  The world, the media, the fear… It’s gone mad.

I was trying to put my arms around these feelings, trying to adjust my perspective, trying to give myself a good talking to… I mean, sure things are strange and somewhat foreboding, but that doesn’t mean this is permanent.  I made an inventory of what I knew, what I needed, what I would need to do to take care of my responsibilities, my work, my loved ones.  I could come up with no good reason to panic.  And yet, the uncertainty wallowed within me.

Then, it hit me.  I hadn’t prayed about any of this stuff.  I had reacted, dutifully hunkered down, checked on everyone… And there was God in the background.  “Am I that easy to forget?”

I wonder if you might be off base too, spinning, trying to understand what the fuss is all about?  All we can do is all we can do.  We can follow the rules.  We can distance ourselves, not overreact, not hoard.  We can stay vigilant.  We can do everything right. But if our spirits are out of whack, if we haven’t talked to God about any of this, we’re not prepared for anything, really.  Spiritually, we aren’t protected.

“The horse is made ready for the day of battle, but victory rests with the Lord.” Proverbs 21:31

God doesn’t want us to forget Him in any of our trails or in the smallest of details.  With Him as our covering, we can go though the battle and be assured that we will come out okay on the other side.  He takes away our fear.  He causes us to think with reason and forbearance and to walk in confidence that He’s got this all figured out.  

What I came to recall about those Sunday afternoons, my grandmother’s music playing in the background, the emotional spectrum of which I could not possibly understand until later in life, was that God had me then as I know He has me now.  He knew that one day I would question life — that I would wonder about love and heartache and healing and crazy virus’s that would ransack and impede the way we live.   He knew what was coming and what the antidote for all of this would be.

He knew that He could tuck the music, His voice, His promises, deep inside my spirit to pull on when things get harried and misaligned and hard.  We may treat Him as though He is easy to forget sometimes.  We get caught up in the whirlwind of surviving and doing all that we are supposed to do. But He never ever forgets us.

We’re always on His mind.

Fear not, my friend.  Keep your heart open and your head steady.  Remember what is most important, and everything will be okay.  No matter what your busyness causes you to do — don’t forget that He is with you.  He’s soothing you in the cadence of your faith, serenading you, inviting you to rest in Him.

I pray for you and your families, that you are safe, sane, secure…

God has us all.  

Bare Feet

I grew up in a home with three brothers and a mom who made sure we went to church every week.  As a devout Catholic, there were ways she could look at us that said we were just one misstep away from a trip to the confessional.  She was a good mom —and still is. Now in her 80’s, I can testify that she can run circles around me most days.  

My mom had a saying that she used liberally on my brothers and me, should we complain that her single mom salary did not keep us styling in the hippest of duds like our peers.  “I used to cry because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet,” she’d quip.  And just like that, we were put in our place. It worked every time. Be grateful for what you have because there is someone always worse off than you.

Truth.

A lot of years have rolled by since then.  I’d like to think that I have passed along the adage of being grateful to my own kids.  A different version, but perhaps they will one day speak of me as one who taught them “But for the grace of God, go I.”  Things can always be worse. 

It’s difficult, when your heart feels trampled on… When you feel like you are the only single woman at Target on a Saturday night (you’re not, by the way) walking down each aisle so as to stretch out your supposed need to see every - every - item that might happen to be on sale.  There are a ton of stressors on your mind - bills, work, family issues, things that have happened that are still hard to reconcile, the perpetual need to rob Peter to pay Paul…  We are constantly rerouting our emotions to not dwell… But we do.  We simply can’t help it.  

Despite how this sounds, those who know me would say that I am an optimist.  My friends at work would attest to my penchant for tagging the end of some frustrating or difficult issue that we all might be struggling with — “Better days ahead!”  It truly is something I believe, not just say.  We’re gonna get through this… we’re gonna get through this… we’re gonna get through this…. 

I know it, down to my core.

I have lived long enough to see how things cycle back around. Nothing stays the same.  It’s the people who stand, who stay, who fight for what is right, who have the greatest story to tell.  Others, who live only for themselves, without integrity or compassion, are like chaff in the wind.  Always boasting, but never fulfilling what God has placed in them to do.  They are not rooted in truth, and will fall away in time.

I bet you have heard of people like this, too.

I hear you.  I get your emails, your instant messages, your comments posted to my blog or words sent tearfully after having read my book… You think you have lost everything.  You feel like life is not worth living.  You wonder how you will go on.

I have come to know you and understand that there is always someone hurting even more than myself.

What I can offer you, is this — It will get better.  Better days are ahead.  And what I know for absolute sure, is that in the equation of you versus him/her/them, you unequivocally win if you stand tall, in your faith, and give it to God to fight the battle.  Despite what it feels like. Despite what you’re facing.  Despite what they’ve done.  Despite not seeing where He is taking you. 

I know it feels like you have no feet, and someone else is walking around in your shoes.  But I’m here to tell you the truth. By His grace, you will see it all come back around.  He’s got you.  The rest — the mockery, the flaunting of a life intended to prove that someone or some others have it all, is a lie.  Fools and frauds, no matter what they try to show the world, are deeply flawed and broken people. 

Just be real.  Just be you.

I often say, “I would rather be me, any day.”

Keep standing there in your bare feet.  Keep the faith that He is fighting for you, that He is working on things behind the scenes and getting you ready.

God is honoring all your efforts.  He sees you on your good days and your bad.  He’s got a plan and it is good!

But for the grace of God, go I.

Better days ahead!

In the meantime, girlfriend….I’ll see you at Target. 

The Comeback

I was texting with a friend of mine the other day and we were touching base about a small faith group that she and I are involved in.  This friend is the leader of a small cache of women from all walks of life, who gathered together a few short years ago on a wing and a prayer.  “The Comeback Group” was for gals like us who had been through some stuff and were looking for a soft place to land and catch our breath.   

I recall our first times together — all of us so undone.  We blew in each week, hungry for camaraderie, eager for a word, a sip of solace and encouragement that God was still with us.  We were desperate in our faith, needing to believe that He could see us, hear us, know us.  Like a lighthouse, we buoyed each other every Thursday night at 7:00 PM. We brought our own brand of heartache, our stories, our testimonies of what was keeping us afloat in a sea of emotional wreckage.

We were all different.  We were all very much the same.

The thing about this conversation, was the oddity that maybe we didn’t need each other so much anymore.  We have all grown, all standing up a little straighter, all able to pick up our chins and belt out our own versions, like Annie, singing “Tomorrow.”  Not that we are all in brand new places. But we have progressed in our healing. We have survived.  We can see that life still holds something for us, and that our gaze need not be fixed to our rear view mirrors.

From family members with addiction issues, abandonment, narcissistic spouses who flew the coup, mourning of all kinds, our little group had experienced together a swath of life that is hard to describe.  

My point in sharing this, is that it was significant in realizing something fundamental about God — that He is always at work even when we feel we are standing still.  It happens so slowly, so incrementally.  We are so rooted in our discomfort and our circumstances, we have no way of noticing that behind the scenes, He is rearranging everything.  He brings onto our path blessings that seem coincidental, but never are.  Nothing is happenstance.

Before you know it, you understand that you are different.  It doesn’t mean all things are perfect.  But you are holding your own and working it out.  Your surviving is becoming thriving again, and you’re not entirely sure how to explain it.

Life really does go on.

It’s easy to question Him.  It’s easy to focus on the wreckage, to list the reasons why things are hard.  It takes a long while to find you are no longer waking up in the middle of the night to orient yourself, trying to make sense of how or why certain people make choices without conscience, or simply to calm the racing of your heart.  

But it happens.  You are standing and you can see the distance you have come.  You can recognize that some people you have loved and lost were not really who you believed they were.  You can understand that God had to let certain things happen so that you could be strengthened and readied and blessed by what is coming next.

There is always a next.  There is always a comeback.  Even when you think it’s an impossibility to move beyond where you’ve been, you will.  You are.

I am in awe of God and how He gives us to each other.  Sometimes the people you expect to be there for you are only place holders for the ones who come and really mean it.  These are people who walk their talk.  They embody honesty, empathy, truth.  They reflect Him in how they love you unconditionally and will tell you what you need, not what you want to hear. 

Maybe it is just one special friend, sister, or loved one.  Or maybe it’s a group.  Embrace them.  Honor them.  Believe that God has sent them onto your path for a reason.

You are not standing still.  You are in the middle of your comeback story.  It doesn’t matter where you are in life or what you have been through.  He’s always at work, rearranging things behind the scenes.  

It’s happening… 

Keep the faith. Be buoyed by those He has sent to remind you that He is with you and for you. Even if it is only me.  Even if it is only these words, heartfelt and overflowing with love. I get you. I understand.

You’re a part of a very special group of gals who have a story to tell, and oh what a story it is!  

We are standing with you. He is with you. 

Sing it, Annie. Just stick out your chin and grin…

The sun will come out tomorrow!

Here Comes the Rain

The older I get, I find the more interested I am in the weather forecast.  Especially in Spring, when I start planning what I need to do out in my yard, or even the basic timing of when to take my car through the car wash, all have me eyeing when the rain is coming.  

When I was growing up, I used to laugh at older folks.  So much interest in the weather… You couldn’t go into a grocery store or a bank and have it not be brought up.  “It’s a hot one, huh?”  Or “They’re saying it will be here by Thursday, and we’re gonna get an inch or two.”  Funny how things come full circle.  

Rain is indeed a powerful force.  We don’t realize how much so, until we either have too much or too little of it.  In the Bible, rain meant bounty and crops and harvest and blessings.  It could also be the signal of doom, as in the days of Noah, when God punished the land for their sins and caused it to rain for forty days and forty nights.  

We can’t control it, but we wonder about it a lot.  Symbolically, metaphorically, spiritually… we wonder when it falls on certain days or events, if the angels are weeping for joy or in solidarity with our sorrow.  As if they somehow know… I believe they do. 

Sometimes, it feels like it is raining within us.  Despite the sunshine on the outside world, we feel hunkered down, wrapped in our circumstances, protecting our hearts from the flood of emotions that are often just this close from breaking out.  We keep our eyes on the proverbal clouds - people, triggers, situations - that can trip us up and land us in that vulnerable place of losing it.  And so, we put on our galoshes and our rain slicks and go about life so that we don’t get wet.  

I find myself here… Busy, occupied, doing what I need to do, taking care of those still in my charge, doing all the right things… I feel conflicted, afraid to let down my guard.  What if the dam breaks and I cannot stop it?  What if I let myself be open to new relationships, and the ill wind of betrayal comes and knocks me down again?  What if… I put myself out there, and I am not enough?

It’s hard emerging back into life when we have been in a storm.

One thing that I know about God, about life, is that we need both the rain and the sun.  We need to be planted in a place, our circumstances sown right along with us, so that we can grow and change and come though the soil of hurt and difficulties, the sunshine drawing us out and upward.  We need to trust that in our hunkered down state, God is doing things within us that are needed, so that when we burst forth, we will be ready for what comes next.

Rain is a sign of new life.

I wonder, if you are like me, if you don’t get bogged down in fear, too covered up to think about sprouting again.  I wonder if you have your eyes too much on the clouds, thinking that the storm you have been through, is either still lingering or is bringing more harm your way.  I wonder… if it hurts too much to hope that what has devastated you, has only watered your soil so that you can once again spring forth and bloom. 

I know you are looking for the sun, wanting to believe for better days.  I know the tendency to get stuck in the muck of hard times that you could neither anticipate or imagine.  I understand that there are hurricanes with names we still find hard to believe could be so damaging to us.  But they come and they go, and the sun always comes up again.

Without the rain, we cannot grow.  We would wither on the vine of complacency.  Sunshine everyday would be boring. Soon, would come drought, and a hardness of spirit that would leave us desperate for relief. 

We can’t live without both.

Keep your eye on the horizon… I know that rain is coming.  Don’t be afraid to go outside, to welcome it, to splash around and loosen up and see what God is bringing with it.  I know how hard it is sometimes to believe that new life awaits.  But it does.  It always does.  

God has a purpose for all that He does.  Somethings are just hard to predict.

But when we walk in Faith, when we keep our eyes on Him, we can know one thing for certain.

The forecast is always good.  

Put your umbrella down and bloom, girl.  Bloom.

The Off Season

If you’re like me, you are always looking for a bargain. Some of the best times to buy good clothes, are just before the weather changes and a new season officially begins.  The sales we can find on things we might not normally afford, are wonderful this time of year. Sure, you might not be able to wear your newly purchased sweaters for long before the weather warms. But, when Fall comes, its like having a brand new wardrobe waiting in your closet.

It’s all timing.  If you plan it just right, if you don’t mind having to wait a bit, the off season can yield some pretty cool bounty.  

I was reading in Ecclesiastes the other day.  You know the verse — about how there is a time for everything — A time to plant and a time to uproot.  A time to weep and a time to laugh.  A time to search and a time to give up searching… A time to tear and a time to mend…  The circle of life is so amazing. 

We can’t escape it.  We can’t run from it.  We can’t change it.

I am always intrigued by the human condition.  There are things that happen to us all. We are constantly met by challenges that come with change and transition.  I think that these are the times that make us or break us.  How we respond, how we deal with our difficulties, determines everything about what we are made of.  

One of the things that I am finding, is that it doesn’t matter how smart you are, how much money you do or do not have, or what you think you know about life —  change is going to come.  Our kids grow up and need us less.  Our relationships change and settle or fall away.  What used to be our passion, waxes and wanes.  It’s when we think we can avoid it, when make decisions to deny the truth, we set ourselves up for trouble.  

How many people do you know who have met mid-life crisis with a new car, new family, new partner, new whatever — swapping out one set of circumstances for another, as if doing so will actually affect the tide of inevitability.  Summer cannot last forever.  Winter always comes.  And there’s not a darn thing anyone is going to do about it, no matter how well they think they are dressed while trying. 

Fools come in all different shapes and sizes.

My point is, we are all born to this life, and we are all going to go meet the Lord one day.  The sun comes up, the sun will set.  It’s what we do in the middle that matters most.  It's in how we treat each other, what we value, the honoring of relationships and duty and honesty, and oh so many things that we know instinctively are right.  This is what sets us apart.  This is how we will be remembered. 

And so God gives us the off-season.

It’s in these times, when we are in-between, that God strengthens us for what is coming. This doesn’t mean that these are easy days.  But it’s here we take a breath, shed the things and people that no longer fit us, and anticipate the new.  He gives us insight to see that change is sometimes difficult, but when we walk it out in faith, it will always work out for our good.  

The off-season can be painful, lonely, hard… But it’s here that we make room and store up for our new season when it finally comes.

For those who run, who numb themselves in an effort to escape, who think that youth is for forever, and that change can be avoided if they just keep dancing, are a sad lot indeed.  We all know people who live as if the storehouse will never empty, that what they do will not come back around.  Those who fail to tend to what’s important, seem to have forgotten that there is a time for everything.  

As my grandmother used to say, ‘When you dance, you’ve got to pay the fiddler.’ You can’t escape it. He always gets paid.

If you are in a place of in-between, God wants you to know that you are exactly where He wants you to be.  If you look for them, there are great values to be had here.  He is ordering your steps, teaching you things in your quiet, lonely moments that you will take with you when the sun comes up again and your new season arrives.

It’s inevitable.  

Count your blessings.  Sort your what nots.  Lose those ten pounds and shake off the remnants of circumstances and people that have cluttered your closet with things that are not of Him.  

Get ready, girl.  You’ve been waiting for this.  What you have been going through will not last.  You’ve been working the off season, doing it right.  

It’s time to shine.

Look at you!  You look marvelous. 

Split Screen

Do you ever feel like your life could be a movie?  Not necessarily an epic, Academy Award winning kind, but maybe it is just what plays inside your head on a non-stop loop.  You see yourself —perhaps doing he same thing, over and over again.  Maybe you are searching for something or someone.  Maybe you are chasing after kids, a job, a spouse.  Maybe you’re just tying to be understood.

I feel like this a lot.

Sometimes I’m a little bit Scarlet O’Hara, clutching the earth of Tara, bound and determined to keep life, and those who depend on me, together.  On the other screen, I’m Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away — on some deserted island, a broken watch with a photograph, a deflated ball for a friend.  

Our movies have soundtracks, too.  From “I Got You Babe,” to Barney songs on repeat, to “I Fall to Pieces,” by Patsy Cline… and all the good heart-thumping ditties in between.  As the curtain rises and falls on our seasons, we are drawn in by music to accompany our spirits. 

It’s interesting to me, how scenes change us.  As if life is going along fine, and then a rogue director comes in and yells “Cut!”  Suddenly, the cast of characters changes, protagonists and villains change places, settings and backdrops and conflicts are swapped out for new ones.  And all the while, you’re trying to keep up and still play your part.  

Our movies, our lives, are a mix of love stories, rooting for the underdog, triumph and tragedy, wrecking and reconciling. We are always searching for an ending that will tie up all the loose ends and bring a meaningful conclusion for those we care about.

We have to be careful who is directing our movies.  

I believe that our lives are intended to be lived with a purpose.  Sometimes, we don’t feel like we have one.  We look at ourselves compared to others, and feel like we are floundering, directionless, striving to make our ends meet and keep our ducks in a row.  We don’t consider ourselves worthy of being anyone’s role model.

As someone with a rich family heritage of women, I look back on their life stories and no doubt can see how they might have felt the same way.  And yet, their influence was so profound, so embedded within my own life, that it is remarkable.  These women were rich in faith, in spirit, in grace, in doing what was right despite odds and difficulties that they managed to overcome. They left their mark.  They paid it forward.  They defined their seasons by keeping their heads high and their hearts open.  

And so it is with us.  

Sometimes we are handed a bad script.  We have to play out scenes and circumstances that we would rather have edited out.  Sometimes the plots twist and turn us in ways we cannot anticipate or imagine.  Sometimes, things happen behind the scenes that we don’t see until we rewind and notice all the clues — and then it’s too late. 

What I know about God, is that He knows the whole story.  We all have our roles to play, and we can be assured that there will be times of joy and sorrow, life and death, adventure and calamity.  We are going to have characters walk into and out of of our lives unexpectedly and on cue.  We will have mishaps and drama, comedy and romance, birthdays and funerals… And all the while, we’ll wonder what it all means. 

Our faith keeps the film rolling.  Our faith binds us together and keeps us putting on our makeup and dressing for the next scene and the next.  We’ll have our close-ups, those moments that are etched in our memories for life, and others when the camera pulls back and spans all that we have been through, and we’ll just know that He was directing it. 

We have to trust God enough to know that one scene, one season, one character or circumstance that comes to break us, is only setting us up for what is coming.  

We may not feel like stars.  We may question our roles, our purpose, how it is all going to turn out.  But when we live with faith as our cinematography, we can know that our movies will end well.  

I know what it feels like to be spliced together — to look at life as if you are living it on a split screen, in-between one saga and another.  But trust me… It will get better.  It will make sense.  It will mean something.  You mean something. 

You are a heroine, even when you don’t consider yourself one.  

God does.  He sees you.  He’s watching what you are going through and how you are doing it. He knows that you are doing the best you can.  He wants you to trust Him with the whole story.

It’s all going to be okay.

Keep your head high and your heart open.  Get yourself some popcorn and enjoy the show.

The next scene is coming, and it’s going to be good.

The Sweet Spot

I am not great at golf, but since my early twenties, I have enjoyed an occasional round.  It’s a wonderful, and also frustrating game, whereby — just the tiniest change in a grip, how you hold your head, the speed at which you swing the club — can mean the difference between hitting the trees and hitting the green.  It’s a bit of a love/hate relationship.  

Whether we are playing golf or just doing life, we are always looking for the sweet spot.  It is that place where —when you hit it — you know it.  It seems to make every shot excellent, effortless, effective.  So much so, that you try to memorize whatever it is that you are doing so that you can replicate it.  You are at the top of your game. You feel unbeatable.

Until the next hole, or the next game, and suddenly you find you are out in the woods, nowhere even close to the fairway.

Ahh life can feel like this sometimes. 

Why does it look so easy for others, right down to their matchy-matchy bags, and their hair that they manage so brilliantly to keep tucked in a neat pony beneath their caps?  Seriously.  Is it really that easy?  Do they always hit the perfect ball? Are they always at par?

I am not ashamed to say that I am not one of those gals.

Life comes at us from all directions.  We are constantly trying to keep our proverbial ball in play, and look good while doing it. But we can’t guarantee how it’s all going to turn out.  Storms hit.  People are unpredictable.  Our efforts and our expectations wax and wane.  We have to roll with it and believe for the best.

Sometimes we swing the club, and sometimes the club swings us.

We live most of our lives between two extremes — Success and failure, joy and sorrow, peaks and valleys. The between place, is where we find peace.  The between place, is where we come to understand that life is a mix of both.  The between place, is where real happiness lies.

Sometimes, the wind is at our back and we feel like we are in the zone. We have momentum, our ends are meeting, our hearts aren’t hurting, everyone is well.  We appreciate that life is good.  We are grateful for our blessings.

It’s when we get inside our heads, convincing ourselves that it is —or should be —more one way than the other, that we get into trouble.  We think that to be happy means we never have cloudy days, our scores are perfect, and we shouldn’t be encumbered with day to day problems that everyone has.  We lose sight of the flag.  We go searching for a fairway that doesn’t exist.

I guess what I am trying to say here, is that faith is our sweet spot.  We are not intended to do everything right.  We are going to mess up.  Life is going to offer up its share of mishaps and misfortunes.  But like a good caddy, God is going to carry our burdens and help us make the most of our worst shots.  With Him, we will always hit the green no matter how far we feel lost.

Faith will give us grace when we need a do-over or a mulligan.  It will enable us to see a way out when we feel hopeless.  It’s an umbrella when the skies open up.  It takes over for us when we want to give up or need to just ride it out in the cart for a while. 

I wish I knew why we sometimes have to endure the lousy hits.  Why it seems that no matter what we do, we are helpless to change the trajectory of where we land.  Why there will be people who we thought had our backs, and instead are off on some other course entirely… It seems that some folks will never learn that the grass really is not greener somewhere else.  

God has better for you just up ahead.

All I know, is that if we stay in faith, He has a way of turning around our game.  He knows where the hazards are, where the sand traps lie, who is rooting for us and who’s against. He is good at handing us just the right club, or miracle, when we need it most, and His timing is always perfect.

Know that when you are struggling, sometimes it’s just a little tweak, a remembrance at how God has gotten you through before and how He will do it again.  Maybe you need to check the posture of your hands and not grip too tightly to things and people that are no longer good for you.  Maybe you need to keep your head down, and know that God is in control. 

Maybe you need to believe that God really does have you in His sweet spot, and that He’s working it all out for your good.

Keep swinging.  He’s holding the flag and has you in His sight.

You can do this.

Swing, girl. Swing. You’re doing just fine. 

Big Ugly Cry

It happens to all of us sometimes. You have a moment and you just can’t help yourself.  Maybe it’s a song you hear that brings you back.  Maybe it’s a diagnosis, a burden for someone you care about, or a series of small, unfortunate events that just keep piling on.  Maybe your sandwich came with pickles and you hate pickles.

You can feel it coming on you like a sneeze, and you know it’s got to happen.  It’s got to come out, and God bless the poor soul who bears witness to it.  It ain’t pretty.  Here comes that big ugly cry.

I had one this week.

I find that the older I get, the more time that goes by, I see snapshots of history that I didn’t want to see before.  We’re all just people —children, who are seeking out our tribe of those who know us, who understand us, who see the best in us.  Some of us are guided by wisdom handed down to us.  We know how to love unconditionally, to stay the course, to do what is right.  We are blessed to have this in our heritage.  Others choose legacies they are doomed to repeat, regardless of the harm it does to themselves and those who need them.

Life comes with a healthy dose of both extremes.  

I am in awe of God. He brings us through things in ways we cannot expect or understand at the time.  We stand in our grief and mourning, thinking that no one else could possibly understand what we’re feeling, what we’ve been through.  We feel like we are on a precipice, just this close to falling into despair, and someone comes along and reaches for us and says, “I get it. I’ve been there too.” 

It’s funny, isn’t it?  There are those who should be there for us, who have relationship to us, who should be our corners… and aren’t.  And then there are others who you would least expect, who pick up the phone or drape an arm around us and pull us close — and are. 

What I am coming to understand about God, is that He’s always teaching us something.  We can’t rely on man to validate us, to make us feel like we matter, to mirror back to us our worth.  We are flawed, broken vessels, and too often those we love cannot give what they do not have for themselves.  We all fall short sometimes. 

Only He can do that.  Only He can remind us that we are loved, valued, and have a purpose in this life.  Only God can remind us that we are not forgotten but are seen, and beautiful, and that all that concerns us, concerns Him too.

And sometimes, it takes a big ol’ ugly cry to cleanse us from disappointment, emptying us, so that we can start again.

All I know for sure, is that God gives us to each other so that we can mirror what He has placed in us to share.  We might not always have the right words.  We might not say it just right.  We might feel like we have two left feet and are too clumsy at showing what our hearts need to express… It’s okay.  Just be someone that can be there.  It’s that simple.   

Sometimes, we just need someone to listen.

The truth is, all we have is our faith, and those He puts on on our path to remind us that He is with us in our most difficult times, and especially then.  You will be surprised who will walk beside you, and who will not.  It’s astonishing, really.

When we wipe our eyes and blow our noses, we can see more clearly.  God has us, wants for us to depend on Him to show us how He is working all things together for our good.  He wants us to know that we are not forsaken, but that we are being made ready for what comes next.  

We have to lift up our chins, shake it off, and say the words He most wants to hear — “I trust You, Lord.”  Even when it’s hard to do.

Miraculously, as quickly as they came, clouds shift and a resolute spirit comes to show us that everything really is going to be alright.  We might have to wait a bit.  We will have to walk by faith and not by sight.  But eventually, we will come to the clearing on the other side and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we have arrived in our better days.

Go ahead.  Let it rip.  Don’t suppress it.  

Have yourself a good cry and know that your tears are only watering what He has sown within you to grow, and thrive, and be who you are called to be.

We all have to do it sometimes.

Let it rain, girl.  He’s got you.

Stone Soup

Did you ever hear the folktale about the hungry travelers who offered to share their soup with the townspeople?  They started out with only a pot of water and a stone simmering on the fire.  Each person who passed, curious to partake, were convinced to add to it the one ingredient that would make the soup delicious and ready for consumption.  A few carrots here, a potato there, a bit of meat, some seasoning…. And before they knew it, what had started out as an empty pot, had been transformed. 

There are times, I think life is like this.  We are either looking into our preverbal pots, seeing what we do not have, or convincing ourselves and others of the potential of what is in them.  We want to contribute and partake of something bigger and better than ourselves.   But often, we feel something is missing. 

The perception of lack, I am coming to understand, is such a powerful force.  

I am not talking about money.  We are always in pursuit of provision that is needed for survival.   I am speaking about the other kind — that thing we keep buried, that tells us our lives are not fulfilling.  And if only we had that, we would be ready for what comes next.  We would be happy.

How many of us live our lives looking only at the stone?

The truth is, God created us to add to one another.  No one person has everything. We each have something unique that binds us, that enhances our existence, that creates a heartiness of wellbeing and spirit, a camaraderie that is vital and important and good.  Our hearts, commingled with others, add the spice of life that makes everything else better.   

I have known people whose lives were full — their hearths were aglow with children and relationships and all the normal ups and downs that come with real life.  But because they could only see what wasn’t in their pots, they stopped contributing.  They stopped believing in the potential of what was in the making.  They convinced themselves that what they lacked was out there somewhere.

The funny thing about lack, is the more we focus on it, the more power we give it.  It follows us, no matter where we go.  We blame others for it.  We act out.  We seek things that will substitute and fill in the gap.  A bitter broth is one that is cooked with a hard heart. 

I think God watches us, scurrying around in search of things that we think we need to make us whole, all the while waiting for the perfect time to share His secret ingredient.  He knows we are going to first try what we think will work.  We’re going to prove that we can do things without Him, that we know all the right measures of what the world has for us.  

He already knows what spoils the soup.

We all hunger for something.  We can slice and dice, and chop and spin… But when we live only for ourselves, only for what we think will fill us up, it is a recipe for disaster.  When we stop following the directions, when we think we don’t need Him and each other,  we gain nothing but more stones that leave us feeling even emptier.

Love and gratefulness are the universal ingredients that replace lack and fill our hearts.  God wants our pots overflowing with good things — with faithfulness, honesty, generosity, fun, relationships built on trust and interdependent spirits.  He knows that we are better together.  

We can’t be stingy with what we have.  It’s not the things that we can see that matter most to those we love.  It’s affirmation, being in their corner, words that build up and not tear down, praying for them, loving them, forgiving them, being an example of grace and mercy, offering encouragement or just an ear to listen.  These are the things that counter our tendencies to see lack within ourselves and our lives.  These are the things that matter, that we will be remembered for.  These are the things that make all the difference.

God gives to us so that we can give to each other.  

We may feel at times that we are only water and a stone.  But God wants you to see beyond what you think you only have, and know that you are so much more.  

Give your lack to Him and know that He will provide everything you need.  

We’re all in this pot, called life, together.  Sometimes it takes a little while for all the ingredients to blend and change and transform.  People will come and go.  Some will contribute, and others will not.

The best soups always take time to make.

Keep stirring.  It will all come together as it should.

And it’s gonna be delicious.

Get Up Again

I recently watched the movie Judy, the epic story of the one and only Judy Garland.  It’s a tragic tale of a colossal talent and her quest for survival, amidst a backdrop of betrayal, rejection, and addiction.  She was, by all accounts, abused and conspired against by those who should have protected her.  Instead, they stripped her of everything she had except the one thing they couldn’t take — the love for her children. 

Somehow, she kept getting up again and again.

If you are like me, there is not a whole lot in your life that would resemble the circumstances of this iconic woman.  My singing is limited strictly to the shower, and even then it would warrant a less than stellar review.  I likely will never be famous or have paparazzi following me.  I pray to God that I don’t have to marry five times to find the one that lasts.

And yet, aren’t we all looking for something that is just somewhere over the rainbow?   

We are all bound together by the human condition.  We all want to be loved.  We all search for faithfulness, for a tribe of people who will understand us at our best and worst, who won’t turn their backs on us when we need them.  We all quest for survival in different ways, yet they are strikingly the same.  

We want to know that we mattered, that our lives stood for something.

In big and little ways, we feel at times that it is hard to get back on our feet.  Maybe it’s a diet we keep failing to stay on.  Maybe it’s a commitment to stop charging our credit cards.  Maybe it’s to let go of someone who is no longer good for us.  We’re always trying to improve at something. 

There is a place that we all get to in life, when we understand that perfection is not possible.  Everyone — everyone — has wrinkles and blemishes and scars.  We are all alike.  We all carry around the baggage of our hurts, the history of our lives, the hope that tomorrow will somehow be better.

We’re all just trying to get back home to Kansas.

What keeps you going?  What keeps you getting up each morning, tying up the laces of your shoes, and trying again?  What causes you to lift up your chin and smile when inwardly you want to give in to discouragement?

For me, it is that I still believe God’s not done with me yet.

I am astounded at the ways that man — the world — will let us down.  It is incomprehensible how parents can fail their children, how covenants are so casually broken, how promises made are not promises kept. Character and integrity, it seems, are negotiable.

Thankfully, God is not man.

Faith is like having someone that you love come up from behind and lift underneath your arms so you can stand.  It’s not always knowing what comes next, but that somehow, someway you will get through it.  It’s understanding that He is with you even when it feels that no one else is. 

Proverbs 24:16 says “Though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again.”  What I know about God, is that He always has a plan.  Unanswered prayers, broken hearts, seasons when it feels like we are wandering forty years in the desert… All are taking us to a place where it will all somehow make sense.  

We’ve got to get up again and again and again. 

I wish I knew why life is sometimes so hard.  I wish I understood how people — like Judy, and you, and me — would sometimes feel like we have to fight to be loved and cared for.  I wish I knew why we sometimes have to go through things that knock the stuffing right out of us.

But God does.

And though He doesn’t cause the things that happen to us, He has a way of putting us back together again and making it turn out for our good.  

He’s not done with you yet, either.

He wants you to know, that He has already given you a heart, a brain, courage, His mercy and grace, so that you will get back up and keep on trucking down the yellow brick road.  In everything that happens, we are growing and changing and being readied for what comes next.

Sometimes, it is day by day.  Sometimes it’s minute by minute.  You don’t need ruby slippers or to see the wizard.  God already knows where you are and where you’re heading.

And it is good.

Go on. Get up — and sing your heart out, baby.

Your rainbow is just up ahead.

Remember Me

I am always fascinated in the ways of human behavior and what makes us tick.  We are careening through the passages of our lives, so often unconsciously.  We think that things are random, that we fall into or out of luck, jobs, relationships… That much of what happens to us, might be happenstance or chalked up to being at the right place at the right (or wrong) time. 

I don’t believe this is true.

I listened to an audio book recently, that spoke about how new habits are formed and how old ones are broken.  There is something called the “1% Rule.”  The Cliff Note version, is that if we adapt or change a behavior by just one percent each day, that over time it becomes ingrained and automatic.   In other words, like interest, our actions compound.  

We can’t cram our way through life.  We don’t lose twenty pounds in a week.  Most of us cannot save a thousand dollars in one paycheck. We don’t all of a sudden become good cooks, neat housekeepers, or marathon runners.  It’s daily commitments.  It’s consistency. It’s tweaking our intentions in tiny increments towards our desired results.

The older I get, the more I am concerned with the little things.  I mean, I want my kids to remember me — not just because I taught them to drive or helped to make sure they could attend college.  But that I remembered a silly joke, made their favorite meal, knew by the sound of their voices when there was something that was bothering them and needed to talk.

We never stop making deposits to our love buckets when it comes to the people we care about most.

On the other side of this, when we take others for granted, when we stop showing up, disengage, or think we no longer need to bother with these tiny moments or concerns, our withdrawals avalanche into relationship disaster.  When we stop attending to the little things, big things come undone.

Consistency is always the key.

And so, I think, the same is true for prayer.  We can’t just call on God when things are rough.  Like AAA, He’s not just there to help us when the car won’t start.  Like every good relationship, God wants us to talk to Him, to bear our hearts, to laugh and cry with Him.  He’s a ‘come as you are’ kind of God.  There’s nothing we cannot say or bring to Him.

Our faith is built in little steps. It’s believing that He hears us, sees us, knows us.  It’s trusting that He cares about what we have gone through, where we are heading, and all of the stuff in between.  He knows what makes us tick.

Someone asked me recently, “Do you pray everyday?”  I stared, acutely aware that my answer would sound self-righteous but not wanting it to.  “I pray all day, everyday” I said.  “I feel God’s presence always with me, so in my heart I’m always praying whether I realize it or not.”  It’s ingrained and automatic.

In other words, like the kind of parent I have tried to be, God has been consistent in showing me that He loves me in all the big and little ways.  Even when times are tough. Even when I question Him.  Even when I cannot understand His ways.

God knows we are going to mess up.  We’re going to make mistakes, we are going to go through times when we are selfish or self-absorbed.  We’re going to neglect our relationship with Him and with others when we get off track and sin.

But He’s a good, good father.  

If we could apply the 1% Rule to our faith, if we could tweak our openness, our conversations, our willingness to admit we need Him, just a little bit each day, the greater will become our ability to see Him at work in our lives.

He doesn’t want us to go it alone.  He doesn’t want us to keep Him in a box or think of Him only when trouble comes.

He’s here for us always.  He knows all about the things that hurt us, make us happy, and what we need. He knows what is in our hearts, our dreams, our yearnings.  Big and little. Little and big.

There is nothing that you are going through that God cannot handle or doesn’t already know about.  

When we are at our lowest, when we don’t know where else to turn and feel like giving up, when we think there is no hope, God has just one thing to say.

“Remember Me?”

Go on.  Give it to Him.  He loves you 100%

Clean Break

Early in my career, I worked for a large orthopedic group near Los Angeles.  It was a great gig, as I was just getting my start in medical marketing, and it offered all the challenges and rewards that a young gal could ask for.  I became savvy in the terminology and references that go along with injuries from head to toe, and everything in between. 

Some problems are easy to fix.  A simple fracture is set and healed in a matter of weeks.  Backs, not so much.  A bulging or herniated disk means an extended recovery, and often rehabilitation or therapy of some sort.  It’s all pretty fascinating, really.

A bet you’re wondering where in the world I am going with this.

I’ve been thinking a lot about other kinds of hurts, the kind that don’t show up on x-rays or MRI’s, and why they take so darn long to heal.  When it comes to issues of the heart, you don’t need a cardiologist to tell you when it’s broken.  

I have had the good fortune to meet and speak to a lot of women since writing my book, When He Walks Away.  It’s a privilege for me, when someone trusts me enough to share about their suffering, and how they are surviving it all.

If only what we go though could be like a clean, simple break.  Easy to set, easy to heal.

If you have gone through a fractured relationship, or any kind of trauma, you now the truth.  You know that it takes a lot to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.  You do a lot of posturing, a lot of finding the least painful way to position yourself, your circumstances, so that you can carry on.

We all learn the art of adapting to new ways of being.  We plaster new expressions on our faces that pass for smiles.  We manage to make ends meet by some miraculous economy where God provides.  We experience adjusting our expectations to meet new and uncharted territories.

Sometimes, we have to master learning how to walk again so that others won’t notice our limp.  Everyone has one.  It comes with life.  Hard knocks always leave scars.

What I want to say here, is simple.  Sometimes, where we are broken, is the very place we rebuild our greatest strength.  We don’t ask for what happens to us.  No one would volunteer for hardship.  But I have learned something about fractures that is true for all that ails us.

A broken bone actually heals stronger than before it was injured.  Calcium, and all the natural healing capacities of our bodies, fuse and mold and reshape where we are hurt, protecting that place from ever being injured in the exact way again.

Seems God has a plan for everything.

The issue is, we have to deal with it.  We can’t sweep things under rugs.  We can’t pretend our way through our brokenness.  We can’t numb or bury our hurts.  We can’t blame others for what we don’t tend to or take care of for ourselves.  All of this is a prescription for disaster. 

It’s up to us.

We have to go through it.  Through the pain of having our broken places reset.  Through the difficulty that comes with examining where we are, how it happened, and what we can learn from it all.    

Sometimes, we have to break in order for things to be put in proper alignment again.

What I have come to understand, is that God is not in the breaking of us.  He doesn’t want bad things to happen.  Heartaches and misfortune are never a part of His doing.  But He is in the mending of us.  He is in the strengthening.

Where is your hurt?

Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts to healing.  It all takes time.  What hurts one person may be a quick turn around, while another may take years before they feel whole again.  We all get there eventually.

All I know, is that it involves a lot of putting one foot after the other, and daily giving it all to Him.  There is absolutely nothing else that can truly comfort and heal us.  We have to walk it out in faith. 

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger…?  Perhaps.

All I know, is that when we go through it, when we believe He is with us and that better days will come, they do.

We have to keep walking.

Even if we limp.  

Always Run After Me

Did you ever have the experience as a kid where you felt so mad, so dejected at something that happened that you threatened to run away?  I can remember at least one occasion where I pulled a small overnight case from my closet and made a dramatic exit from my front door, bent on making the point that I could take care of myself, doggone it.  (Of course, it didn’t take but a short trip around the block to realize I had nowhere else to go.)

Later in life, I would love someone who, when we argued, would lob the kind of verbal arrows that would cause me to want to do the same thing.  Although I never packed a bag, I can recall more than once the need to cool off by taking a brisk walk in dark wee hours when most people were asleep.  

The point is not that I had trouble with conflict, so much as I wanted desperately for the people who were supposed to love me to run after me, make amends, show me that they cared.  A hug, an apology — even the smallest effort — would have soothed an achy, wounded spirit. 

Hurt feelings, bad language, breaches of every kind divide us in ways we can barely comprehend.  They happen in every relationship.  They happen on a trigger or from some deep harbored dysfunction that festers and maligns our ability to love as we should.

The sin in all of this, is not that we have falling outs.  We are human.  It is simply not possible to avoid occasional disagreements over big and little things.   It is, rather, in what we do to right a situation that determines who we really are.

We all need grace.  

We all want to have someone run after us and tell us that we matter.

The truth is, sometimes the people we yearn to turn around and see are not the ones who are there.  Sometimes all we have is God to remind us that we are loved.  Sometimes we have to wait a long time to hear “I’m sorry.”  And sometimes, it never, ever comes at all.

A lack of empathy, a pressing need to be right, an unwillingness to see another’s perspective, all cloud our ability to build bridges.  Some people seem to have no conscience.  Others run after the world’s approval, rather than God’s.  None of this ends well. 

I wish I understood why the simplest words are the hardest to say.

God is running after us always, wanting us to know that His love is unconditional.  He’s not always pleased at how we are treating others or how they are treating us.  He’s called us to love one another, to be faithful, to be His hands and feet, to forgive as we have been forgiven.

He wants us to do better. 

It’s difficult sometimes to forgive when the wounds are deep.  Some misdeeds are handed down generationally.  Some boundaries are intended to stay in place because people cannot be trusted to be honest, faithful, or even kind. 

That’s on them.

All we can do, is all we can do.  The rest is always in God’s hands.

If you know you have fallen short, reach out.

If you have hurt another in word or deed, apologize.

If you would rather punish someone for their mistake, give grace instead.

We are all just kids with little suitcases wanting someone to come for us.

We can always be bigger people.  We can wish someone well from afar.  We can pray for them.  We can stop harboring in our hearts our silent intention to see “what goes around, comes around.” 

Nothing goes unnoticed by God.  

Sometimes we have to just leave our baggage where it is and realize that God wants better for us.  The hurts we carry are weighing us down.  He wants us to open up the door to our hearts and let healing refresh us, revive us, renew us.

We need to stop looking backwards and recognize that God has our future, our Peace, in His hands.  

I wish for you what I wish for myself.  

People are going to let you down.  Some will never bother to let you know that you mattered, that you meant something, acknowledging that you did your very best and made a difference in their lives.

In time, we all come to realize it’s okay.

Focus on knowing that you belong to God.  And though it may not look right now like how you want it to, He knows the plans He has for you.  He is turning all things for your good.

You are loved. You matter. Keep walking.

God always has your back.

The Other Side of Midnight

We’ve all had them.  Nights where we burn the midnight oil, tossing and turning, going over and over the situation or issue that burdens our hearts and keeps us from sleep.  We wrestle and toss, we mentally and emotionally create scenarios inside our heads of what we think our solution should look like.  If only we could find the switch to turn off our minds and let us rest.  

I have tried, I think, every trick I know:   Getting up to snack on some particular carbohydrate that I’m sure will satisfy my palate and my thoughts.  Staring at my phone.  Starting a game of Sudoku.  Playing a YouTube video or listening to a reading on my Bible app.  It helps.  It lulls.  It quiets.

But then the sun comes up and nothing has changed despite all the worrying I did on the night shift. 

One the hardest lessons to learn is perhaps the one that — once we master it — is the most helpful.  We must surrender.  

The problem is figuring out how.

Surrender is counter-intuitive to us.  It’s sort of like when you are driving and hit black ice. Your instincts, your reactions, tell you to hit the brakes and turn the wheel in the direction out of danger.  But the truth is, the opposite is what avoids the crash.  We are taught to only tap our brakes and to steer in the same direction that the back of the car is heading.  It is a split-second behavior that can make all the difference where we land.

The things that hurt our hearts requires the same.  The more we resist them, the more we give in to steering our way out of them, the more trouble we seem to have.  Acceptance is the first step to surrendering.  

We coast and go along in life.  We obey the laws, we are courteous and thoughtful and take good care to make certain that everyone in our charge is safely buckled up and secure.  We think that as long as we are doing what we are supposed to do, we can anticipate a little stormy weather.  Bad things will only happen to those who are careless or unprepared or not paying attention.

But in an instant, that all can change.

What I am offering here, is only a snippet guide to what I am still working hard at understanding for myself.  It’s learning to let go and know that we are helpless on our own to figure out an outcome.  Sometimes the only thing we can do is go with our situations and not try so hard to pull out of them. (Yes, Jesus take the wheel.)  It means standing, letting the chips fall, and knowing we can only do what we can do. 

What does this mean?  Like the Serenity Prayer, we have to learn to accept things that we cannot change.  This is different from liking it, wanting it, volunteering for it.  It just means that these are things that are beyond our control.  We have no power other than prayer.  

If you are like me, even in our acceptance of certain circumstances, we still find a way to resist them.  We think people will change.  We walk in our faith that God will provide a surprise twist that will render everything back the way it was.  We think that if we stay steadfast, those around us will continue to do what they do until somehow, someway, it will all come back around and get back in alignment with us.  

We think that the principals of what to do when we hit black ice will change. 

The truth is, no matter what, we are going to end up in a different place than where we think we are headed. 

I wish I had an easy answer to the things that burden our hearts.  I wish I could laminate a card that we could all put on our proverbial dashboards as an easy reference for when the going gets tough.  I wish we did not have sleepless nights and long, arduous trials.  

But we all do.

All I can tell you is what I am learning myself.  We have to surrender everything we are going through to Him.  Everything.

We all have endings we would like to see.  We all have happily ever afters that we dare to hope for.  We all have our will that we pray would line up with God’s.  But we cannot know what tomorrow brings.

Only He does.

There are reasons, though often unimaginable, for what we must endure.  And though the trail is never easy, though we can’t possibly imagine an outcome that will make what we are going through “worth it,”  we have to know that if we let God take us through it His way, we will get to the the other side intact. 

Sometimes what we want looks nothing like what things are.  Our hearts still ache and break.  We still have needs in search of resolution.  We all dream of better days that often are elusive.

But they will come.  

We need to rest in knowing that we cannot change what we cannot change.  That God is in control.  That we must tap the brakes and steer where He is taking us while trusting that He knows the way.

Accept what is while you believe for what is to come.  Surrender — daily, hour by hour, moment by moment.

It will all be okay.

Get some sleep.

The Report Card

I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking a lot about legacy these days. What will people say about me someday?  It’s not an obsession, nor is it because I have any intention of going anywhere anytime soon.  But let’s face it… things happen all the time.

As a mom, when my kids would bring home their report cards, my first instinct was to scan the grades given to their subjects, but focus on the page that spoke to their character.  Were they trying their best? Were they kind to others?  Were they tardy to class?  Did they demonstrate good citizenship?  Excelling in these things meant more to me than where they ranked in Algebra II.  

My kids have all graduated now, with my last two about to earn their college degrees. My youngest daughter is about to embark on her career, going back to the same elementary school she once attended, only now as a student teacher.  It’s surreal sometimes to watch how God brings things full circle.

But He always does.

Maybe it’s because God is always teaching us something… Maybe it’s because the older I get, the more I am able to see things that we just gloss over when we’re young.  The truth is, grades do matter.  Not the kind you get on tests and quizzes.  But the kind you get in life.

This is the syllabus that we all get evaluated on:

Do you say what you mean, and mean what you say?

Do you tell the truth?

Do you honor your commitments?

Do you think about what you say before you say it?

Do you apologize when you’ve hurt someone?

Do you go the extra mile?  

Do you love wholeheartedly?

I have loved and admired people because they care about the little things.  You can count on them.  You know that if you called them when you needed an ear, they would pick up the phone.  They walk their talk.  They are grounded in who they are because they live with faith and integrity.

I have also known and loved others who have drifted away when life got hard.  Who put more emphasis on what was best for them, than what was best for others.  Who care more about how they look, having fun, or what was convenient than about doing the work.  Life is more about recess than learning to grow.

We all fail sometimes.

My point is, when we step back and look at the life we’ve lived, what grade will those we love give to us?  What will God say about our efforts?  Where can we do better?  How can we improve?

Life is not lived in a vacuum.  That hurt that happened to us as a kid, still lingers long past the time we should be over it.  The parent who left us, those words spoken in anger, that time someone we loved chose someone else… Everything is cumulative.  

But so are the things that make a difference to the positive.  It’s keeping your word, it’s remembering someone’s birthday, it’s being there when your kid needs to talk but doesn’t yet have the words to begin.  It’s reminding someone that you are there, that you are standing with them, that you are praying for them.  It’s asking, “How can I help?”

Everyday, we are writing our legacy of what people will say about us when we are gone.  And do you know what?  It’s never too late to raise your grade.

God’s classroom is always in session.  He wants for us to come in for help, for tutoring, for knowing that he’s a God of extra credit.  He’s easy to reach, His door is always open, and He never thinks we are dumb for asking questions. He wants us to learn from Him and not the world.  As a matter of fact, he gives us all the answers ahead of time.  They’re in the Book.  

Everything matters.

We all struggle sometimes.  We all make mistakes, get off track, make poor decisions.  But it's what we do with them, it’s how we make corrections, that determines whether we pass or fail.  

We can choose better.  We can remember that good character is not a multiple choice question.  We can look to the Teacher when we are struggling, and ask Him to guide us when we’re tempted or lost.  

We can focus on the other side of the report card, even when we’ve failed a test, and ask ourselves if we tried our best.

God is always teaching us something.  And I believe that these are the lessons that shape us, that determine our hearts, that will cause us to do the right thing even when the going is hard.

We can’t cheat at the little things and expect to pass the final exam.  

Know that everything we do means something to someone… 

The best answer, the greatest legacy, is always love.

Window Dressing

Have you ever noticed a nice outfit that looks so pretty on the rack, but when you try it on, you just don’t look like you thought you would in it?  Maybe it's the pattern or the way it is cut.  Maybe it’s those few extra pounds that you’ve been meaning to shed.  Whatever it is, you just don’t love it enough to buy it.

Sometimes life feels like this too. Not everything fits as it should.  We know how we want things to look, how they are supposed to be.  But if we’re honest, how things are does not always match up with what we want.  Something is off.  We’re in need of a tide to turn, a hurt to heal, a provision to be met.  

We’re always longing for something, aren’t we?

Even the happiest people I know or admire, have issues.  We are constantly challenged in ways we can’t anticipate.  Everyday, life throws us curves and we must contend with them.  We have bills to pay.  Our nails break. Our appliances, our cars, our relationships, and sometimes health, need care and fixing.  It seems we no sooner get one thing on track, and another presents itself.

To be authentic, we must stop pretending that everything is meant to look perfect. 

I’ve come to understand that some people are good at window dressing. They look good.  They act the part.  They have nice things to say.  They can be charming, funny, the first one complement you on a new hair style.  But when it comes to substance, the shovel doesn’t go very deep.  There is a lack of empathy, of honesty, of character.  For some, looking the part is much more important than living it.  This is sad.

I’ve known people who have traded all they had because they were in search of a perfection that doesn’t exist.  They have burned bridges, forsaken loved ones, given in to sin, ran after illusions and addictions that all looked good at the time, but in the end have left them empty. They are looking in a fun house mirror and expecting to see only what they want to see.

The truth is, happiness is an inside job.  It requires learning to do the work within us so that the reflection of who we are on the outside is congruent with who we are within.  We can dress ourselves up to look like we have it all together, but when we are are broken on the inside, it still shows.

We have to be kind.  Be faithful.  Be accountable.  Be loving… We can’t fake it.  Who we really are will always shine through.

God sees in us who He created us to be.  When we get honest, when stand in the nakedness of our dysfunctions, we can hand over to Him the things that aren’t working.  We can stop caring what things look like, and just admit how things are.  We need help to stop hiding behind false personas and expectations that just don’t fit us anymore.  

We have to get real to heal. 

The Spirit of God is the great revealer.  It fills in the cracks in our mirrors.  In the reflection of our faith, we can see that we are loved for who we are and not for who we wish were.  God made us perfectly imperfect.  He doesn’t expect us to always have it right.  He expects us to need Him, to seek Him, to trust Him for all that concerns us.

We aren’t intended to be a mannequin, all dressed up but hollow on the inside.  We are supposed to get out there and live life.  We’re going to trip and fall and bruise and bleed.  We’re going to make mistakes, eat too much, love people who don’t love us back, buy things that are not on sale… We’re going to have good days and bad, feast and famine. 

But when we look in the mirror, when we have given it our all, when we know that we are doing our best to live authentically, we are living our best life regardless of how it looks to others. 

It’s okay if things are not perfect.  One size doesn’t always fit all.  

Smile and know the truth.  

You are beautiful, inside and out. 

The Long Wait

Do you remember when you were a kid and you had to wait for something?  A birthday, Christmas, your best friend coming to sleep over on a Friday night?  Anticipation was mixed with the feeling that time was dragging by in slow motion.  Somewhere along the way, we learned the art that waiting for something was worth it.  We were invested in the experience.  We learned to appreciate whatever it was once it finally happened.

And then we grew up.  

It’s not that we don’t still don’t look forward to things.  It’s just that we are focused on so many issues — problems, work, how are going to pay for this or that.  We have concerns over heath, our parents getting older, and relationships that burden our hearts… It’s just not as simple as it used to be, and we get discouraged.  

The world keeps giving us all these gadgets so we don’t have to wait.  Instant gratification comes in all kinds of ways.  We have InstaPots that cook a roast in 45 minutes.  We text and FaceTime and Instant Message as if we stepped right out of the Star Trek series.  We zip and zap and send things, no longer needing to touch them first. It seems there is no limit to what’s ahead in how we will connect and communicate. 

I wonder though, when it comes to important things, why God still makes us wait. 

It’s not popular, but I am one who thinks that this is how it’s supposed to be. In a time where reveal parties are the rage, I am admittedly old fashioned.  Having given birth to four beautiful babies, we only found out with one of them what kind of Pampers we would buy. I used to say, “If God really wanted us to know the sex ahead of time, He would cause our belly buttons to turn blue or pink.”  Truth is, I liked the surprise of meeting my babies fresh from heaven and finding out who they were when they arrived.  

God has a habit of giving us a promise and then keeping us in the dark for a bit.  It’s like He plants a seed inside our spirit, and we know that He is at work, yet we don’t see how in the world it’s going to manifest.  He gives us things to do in the meantime — work, trust, follow His ways — and we only have a vague understanding that we are on the right path.

Sometimes its a long, long wait. 

We find that anticipation is in our faith.  We believe we will be healed.  We believe our ends will meet.  We believe that our sorrows will turn again to joy… We just don’t always know how. 

The opposite is also true.  When we think that there are no rules, when we think that there are no reasons to wait and just live in the now, things get messed up.  They get out of order.  We don’t realize the consequences that having what we want, when we want it, will bring.  

We overspend. We overeat. We sin.  We think with selfish ends and shallow, hard hearts. 

Then we wish we could be kids again when everything was simple. 

The Proverbs are full of teachings of why it is best to wait.  They speak of the need to plant our crops and wait for harvest.  They implore us to not get off the track of righteousness because “a way seems right to a man” but in the end, his fate is never what he expected.  They beg us not to stray, and caution that if we dig a pit, we are bound to fall in it. 

I have lived long enough to know that there are no short cuts to the things that are important.  We have to become good at waiting.  We can’t peek at our Christmas gifts and still be surprised.  We can’t be dishonest or unfaithful and then wonder why our relationships are in shambles. We can’t do things counter to the laws of being prudent and thoughtful and wise, and still expect to have what only waiting for them will bring.

What if we stopped looking for the quick fix, the instant rush that having something now brings, and just put in the time and let things unfold as they are supposed to? What if we really did just understand that faith is anticipating an outcome that is completely out of our hands but in His?

We honor God when we honor the process.  And I believe He knows when we do. 

There is a saying that I love:  “It is better to wait on God, then to have it now and wish you had.”

Like me, I know that you have things that you are praying for.

Good things really do come to those who wait. 

Just wait and see.