The See Saw

I go through periods when I am teetering on the edge of something that I can’t describe.  My emotions run the gamut between sizzle and bake.  I’m flush with adrenaline one minute, sullen in reflection the next.  The truth is, I want to be one way, but the tug of uncertainty draws me into shadows I wish I could ignore. 

I guess it’s common in this thing called Life, right?  We are often on a see saw between breakdown and breakthrough, and it can make a gal weary.

We are up and we are down.  

How we would like to stretch our legs and just rest a bit somewhere in the middle.  Somewhere steady.  An even keel where everything is copasetic, our hair looks good, and everyone we meet has something nice to say.   This in-between place is the sweet spot.  There’s no teeter, no totter.  Complacency is where all the happy people live — or so we think. 

What I have come to understand, is that growing, changing, and healing, all take friction, not rest.  When we dig in, when we avoid confronting our feelings, our issues, our weight, our blindspots… we coast without direction.  We numb ourselves to certain truths, thinking that we will do something about them tomorrow.  Not that this is bad.  It’s just that for things to be different, we have to do something different.  

In limbo, we can point and blame and soothe ourselves into believing that “It is what it is,” and we simply need to learn to accept things as they are. This never moves us forward.

What in the world does this have to do with faith? It’s simple, really.

I don’t believe that God intends for us to live in limbo.  He’s always trying to draw the best out of us, to stretch our thinking, to see more than just “what is.”  He wants us to reawaken our passion for what could be, and this can make us feel a little uncomfortable.  In order for Him to take us to new heights, we need to be willing to let go of what tethers us to old ones.

I hate to admit that things are never going to be the way they used to be. But I have to be real. People that I once loved, are not simply going to waltz back and put all that toothpaste back in the tube again.  My body is not going to be it’s younger version of fit, my kids will not be little, my dog, a spry puppy again… My heart may still yearn for what once was. 

All I know is that God has a plan and I have to trust Him with it.  He is always moving us forward, wanting for us to open our eyes, begging us to understand that just because things around us look different, they still can be good.

It’s daunting to dream again when you have silently given up and are resigned to what is.  It’s too much to believe that there is more — love, provision, healing, adventure — when we are so used to just getting by.  It’s hard to understand that God knows us, is cheering for us, wants to infuse our spirit with fresh hope and vision. 

He is the friction between breakdown and breakthrough.  We’ve got to be willing to defy gravity, to get airborne just a little bit, and trust that the fulcrum is balanced between where we’ve been and where we are going.

The see saw feeling means we are working at it.  You have to hit the low spots so that you can come back up again. 

All of this to say, you’re doing just fine, girl. 

Your breakdown is where you push off and find your breakthrough.  Soon you’ll be able to feel the momentum and the rhythm of His promise.

I see you… I’ve got you…I see you…I’ve got you…

The sky is the limit when we believe for what comes next.

Ready, now… Push.